PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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