When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You are a genius and a whore.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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