Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
