He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
