a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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