Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
