drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
