I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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