i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
