My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
