After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
