Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
