How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
