i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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