she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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