they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
