doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
