she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Say something about gay babies.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The Olympian is in my bed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize