how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
