we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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