Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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