Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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