Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
