I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
