i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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