So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
