It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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