Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
