Already got asked if we're dating
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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