I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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