This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You took a bar mat shot.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
