Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
