She is in my trunk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize