If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This is my gift to your gina
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
