I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The adults are the big ones right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
