I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
