I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
