if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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