I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
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