I cut my penus on the lid.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
