when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry about my life...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
