Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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