Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
