Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
