clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
