Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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