i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
im on a boat
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