The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
