What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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