i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
