I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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