I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
