I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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