I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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