I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize