i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
