apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize