$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
