Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
