DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
