dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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