whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
