I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wish my penis had a tongue
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
