She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
