I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
