Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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