I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
