i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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