is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
