I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the condom got lost in my hair
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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