Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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