She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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