I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
