I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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